HOW DO I TALK ABOUT FEMINISM AND DIETING?

 

I’m not saying anything ground breaking to note that I have seen some feminists, learning and growing just like me, be dragged over hot coals for misguided things that they have said. Sometimes a white cis woman has gone onto a comment section guns blazing asking if a black woman can explain to her why it is cultural appropriation if she wears braids in her blonde hair or another woman, Zadie Smith, has said that make up is a waste of time and not something women should be spending their time on. These two examples are different, but the women saying them can sometimes be treated the same, denounced as sexist or racist and told to be quiet. It’s important to call out toxic or problematic* behavior, but sometimes it isn’t done in the kindest of ways.

Tbh public shaming in feminism can be so harsh that I would 100% spend a whole week with someone who describes themselves as     ‘35 years young and a graduate of the school of life’ than be called out by a group of feminists that I respect. So, there are certain topics that I listen to others more than I offer my own opinion and then there are some things that I avoid talking about all together. I do not want to be dragged over those coals!

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MY FEMINIST HAVENS ON THE INTERNET

When I was 18 and began identifying as a feminist. A friend bought me Caitlin Moran’s ‘How to be a Woman’ for my birthday and I read it thinking, ‘YES, I AM THIS, THIS IS WHO I AM. CAITLIN I AM U WE R THE SAME. CAITLIN I ALSO AM WHAT YOU ARE.’ I had soooo much to learn but I had no time because I was so busy telling everyone how shit they were at feminism.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF ME AGED 18:

Everyone: Hey Rosy, how is your da…

Me: ….STOP OBJECTIFYING ME WITH YOUR MALE GAZE, OVERT YOUR EYES AND LISTEN TO MY POEM ENTITLED ‘DIALOGUE BETWEEN MY LABIA MANORA AND LABIA MAJORA.’

 

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REFLECTIONS ON CYSTITIS

I can only imagine this is when my mum first told me about cystitis and how it would plague me forever

I did stand up last Sunday and just before I went on I thought, do I want stand in front of a room full of people and pretend to be my boyfriend gagging on my pubic hair? 

Similarly, I am currently sat in my bed and thinking, do I want to write 500 or so words about a UTI that plagues me and then put it on the internet?

I say yes to both because they both concern my vagina and there is no topic I love more than my vaginé…

If you don’t know your UTIs but you know your Shakespeare… Well, in Romeo and Juliet, when Mercutio says, “A plague on both your houses.” That plague was cystitis.

If I don’t like another human I think in my head, A CYSTITIS PLAGUE ON YOUR URETHRA HOUSE! If I love another person I think, MAY YOUR URETHRA BE FREE FROM CYSTITIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS!

I’m being serious though, there is nothing worse than cystitis. Apart from ISIS. ISIS is worse than cystitis.

Where am I going with this? Ahhhh… Maybe this is where I should share some tips on how to cope with cystitis. Yes, I think that is what the people want.

Ok, well my first tip is technically stolen from my dearest friend Emilie (you know she is classy as shit because her name is spelt with an ‘ie’) but I think all good things in life are stolen. Emilie says that if you have cystitis then you have to keep your feet warm. The exact relationship between one’s urethra and their feet escapes me, but that is probably because it is science and we all know science isn’t for women.

Another tip would obviously be to drink your weight in cranberry juice. It has to be your weight exactly or it won’t work. Again, this is a tricky one for us women because it involves maths, which isn’t for women, and cranberry juice, which we all know is what the patriarchy was founded upon.

Lastly there is my personal favourite and the only one I would actually recommend as it is ideal for women brains. Self-medicate. I have a nice little stash of penicillin and I just pop them all day everyday until it goes away. It also helps to say a few hail Mary’s. This only works for Catholics though. The Virgin Mother only cares for a Catholic urethra and penicillin doesn’t work on protestants.

Ahhh I really feel like I should finish this with something quippy and wise.

Oh, duh, always pee after sex.

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