I’ve tried to start this post so many times and I don’t know how to be subtle/ slowly build suspense/ not talk about being abandoned by my father in the first weeks of life so STRAP IN… My dad left when I was a baby and since then it has just been my mum, my sisters and moi. At uni I always lived with gals and we went through four years having made no male friends. Now, 23 and at the peak of my fertility I am living with two guys. One of them is Thomas and he’s my boyfriend (sometimes I call him my partner because that’s grown up) from tinder and Lewis is his bestie from when they were babies. It’s pretty fucking cute. Living with them is a 200% increase in the amount of men I’ve lived with.*
Thomas has lived in this flat for two months before I moved in and so I should probably describe the before situation of this room. This will take two minutes because it was EMPTY. Honestly there was nothing on the walls, nothing on the surfaces, and nothing on the bedside table… Obviously there are 5 guitars and a ukulele in here, but there wasn’t even a bin so as far as I’m concerned this was a desolate room in need of my creative flair and talent.
My biggest ‘fear’ moving in with Thomas was not having my own room. I enjoy having my own space to pretend I’m an ethereal fairy, relax, panic and fart in. Once I moved in with Thomas I knew I would have to share all of that with him and also share in all of his late night football manager and farts.
Anyway, I’ve done my best to decorate our room.
Our bed is king sized, which I could take or leave to be honest. My idea of heaven is sharing a single bed with Thomas but apparently that is his hell and I should stick to my side of the bed. This will never happen. THERE ARE NO SIDES OF LOVE. The sheets, the throw and the yellow and gray cushions are from IKEA and just reek of ‘long term stable relationship’, so I obviously bought them. I might buy some satin sheets for special occasions but I imagine they’re a nightmare to wash.
I don’t want to brag** but I have created a fucking great wall display. It was difficult to incorporate Thomas into it in any meaningful way because he wasn’t very forthcoming with photos of himself. I would ideally have baby pics of him next to pics of me looking like Queen of the Babies. Instead I stuck lots of Edinburgh postcards on the wall, because that is where we met and I haven’t managed to pin down a Tinder post card yet, but as soon as I do then I’ll stick that up somewhere. Obviously any card he has ever bought me is on display, meaning I have displayed both of them. There are pictures of the two of us because I want to have pictures to show my daughter when I’m 70 and she needs evidence that her parents were in love and arthritis free once. My son wont need to see them because he will be living in Australia with his second wife and step kids.
We have fairy lights everywhere to create the impression that we live inside a Christmas tree. You know, back in the olden days trees were decorated with candles? CANDLES! (God, watch Zoella’s Christmas tree be covered in candles this year and so I immediately copy the whole thing).
As a millennial, with my finger on the pulse of what is trendy and hip, I’ve dotted plants around so that we can become calm and serene and at one with nature. I like to look at tem from my bed and wait to become nice and calm. It is yet to happen but I think it might do soon. Either way at least I know they are filtering me and Tommo’s farts… that’s what plants do right?
*That’s right, you came here for the jokes but you stayed for the maths.
**lol I have a whole blog dedicated to bragging and I’m currently eating a dark chocolate covered rice cake which is the braggiest food in existence. Brag brag brag brag.