MONEY DIARY; LONDON WEEK 1. I AM SHOOKETH.

Hey! I’ve just moved to Landan, penniless, medicated and happy, so I must document every day of my life to prove to my mum and the world that I am coping. If you’re not reading Refinary29s Money Diaries then you must quit this crap and head straight there because I use it as my financial advisor. This one is life.

I’m not including travel or rent because I don’t want you to realize how much I lean on my mother…

Sunday 3rd September 2017

Morning; I finished off two box’s of cereal and opened a third, because Thomas seems unable to finish one box of cereal before he starts the next. Ooop I didn’t know I was that bitter about the cereal before I wrote that down. La la la la laaa living together in romantic bliss.

Afternoon; I dragged Thomas into central London to go to the Magnum pop up shop. This is exactly what I expected from London life, doing everything for the instagram and jumping from pop up shop to pop up shop. Annoyingly I ordered what I thought would look most aesthetically pleasing, rasberries and orange peel rather than what I wanted which was chocolate on chocolate with chocolate balls and fudge squares. Omg I am so London now. I payed for Thomas’ because it was my treat and he doesn’t have instagram. £9

Evening;  We went to a friends house for a Sunday roast, it was all very grown up. Why has it not become compulsory to start each week with a Sunday roast – surely it would save the NHS millions in anti depressants*? We brought cheesecake, berries, wine and a posh elderflower drink, which reminded me that I must incorporate cheesecake into my life more because it was so delish. Tommo bought the goodies so £0 from me.

 

Total; £9

 

*If anyone else said this I would be so fucking offended.

 

Monday 4th September 4th 2017

Morning; Cereal again because I’m a creature of habit and this cereal is the right amount of sugary that I know it is rotting my teeth but also it could be nourishing me somehow. I go to meet a woman from the internet to see if I can look after her kids, she says that I can and I immediately doubt that I can keep children alive.

Afternoon; I spent the rest of the day making ‘our’ bedroom more homely. I did try to incorporate Thomas into the décor but he doesn’t fit into my aesthetic as well as I’d hoped. I ate some chocolate orange mini bites for lunch.

Evenings; Unpacking made me so sweaty that I had to take a second bath and the second bath made me so relaxed that I couldn’t be arsed making anything more than pasta pesto for dinner. It was delish.

Total; £0

 

Tuseday 5th September 2017

Afternoon; I took new meds on Monday night so that I don’t rip my feet to shreds in the night, they’re supposed to sedate me. SPOILER ALERT: They fucking work because I didn’t wake up until 14:15!!!! Obviously this sent me into a downward spiral of all downward spirals and I needed to have a bath so that I could function. I’ve had more baths than shits since I moved here.

Evening; I haven’t left the house in a while so I google ‘cheap but healthy dinners’ and decide to pop out to Sainsburys to get ingredients for a veggie chilli. The recipe says it should cost 98p. I spend £14.94 and it tastes fine but no where near the heights of the pesto pasta from the night before. I fall asleep 30 mins after eating it because of a migraine from too much sleep.

 

Total; £14.94

 

Wednesday 6th September 2017

Morning; I’m up at 6am, obviously because I’ve slept for 47758693 hours in the past two days and my body says NO MORE. Cereal for breakfast because I am a creature of habit. I do my first poo since moving to London. It weighted 6lbs and looked just like Thomas.

Afternoon; Pasta and pesto for lunch because it would be asking too much to eat my expensive cheap veggie chilli. It’s my first day working as a nanny and I have such a fear of being hungry and not being able to immediately access food, so I carb load before the school pick up.

Evening; Thomas makes me a mini Chicago Town pizza and salad, in a rare show of romance. We inhale dinner and head out to see my super funny pal Ella perform stand up in the Covent Garden Comedy Cellar, I pay for me and Tommo (£10) and Thomas gets the drinks. My ginger beer cost the same as his Peroni, which convinces me that London is not in tune with the rest of the world.

 

On the way home a woman is sneakily taking me and Thomas’ photos and I don’t know how to react. She is laughing and her friend is really bored. No one says anything because it’s fucking weird but I refuse to turn into the weird one and actually speak on the tube.

 

Total; £10

 

Thursday 7th September 2017

Morning; I finish off the cereal of my dreams and that is enough to send my anxiety into a fucking tailspin. I need little mittens for my fingers because I’m pretty sure I’m going to fuck shit up picking all my skin off. Anyway I eat my cereal and contemplate if this is the day I finally realize all my dreams.

Afternoon; I wonder if I’ll ever start saying arrrrrrrrfffter. JK MANCHESTER NA NA NA MANCHESTER NA NA NA. I still don’t eat the chilli because I’ve built up an emotional barrier between me that I honestly don’t know if I’ll overcome. I mindlessly eat snacks that I don’t even remember while I fill in a job application that is demanding to know more about me than Thomas knows. I spend a while deciding whether or not to identify as disabled and decide ‘yes’ because it’s a technical truth an I need that interview. I pop emergency anxiety meds and head off to do the school pick up.

Evening; Me and Tommo meet in Sainsbury’s and pickup the cereal of the gods, some soup that is on offer and looks like it will make me thin and chorizo because that is Thomas’ main food group. Thomas pays because he is kind and I will pay half back later. I don’t eat dinner because I’m too anxious, so I just have a cup of tea and a bag on m&ms. They’re practically empty calories because I don’t really remember eating them.

 

Total; £0

 

Friday 8th September 2017

 

Morning; Thank fuck we have the heavenly cereal again because yesterday I did not get to have a full bowl and that just fucked up my day more than my Catholic upbringing fucked up my sex ed. Oooo I am sassy today.

 

Afternoon; I finish that job application and then GO FOR A RUN. This is when I tell you that this post is #spon by Nike…. So after throwing up on Balham High Road I return home and inhale some butternut squash soup, should I throw away that veggie chilli yet? Now I’m sat in a café called Bertie and Boo, because of course I am, and there is a tupperware on the seat next to me collecting the rainwater from the leaking roof. I feel at home next to this roof leak so I think I’ll stay here for a while, I spend £2.35 for a cappuccino that I’m hoping will make me poo more.

Evening; After a lot of soul searching I finally realized that the reason I’ve not been eating the chilli is that I cba making rice. I am a busy woman! I’m pretty sure that Beyonce and Adele aren’t making rice on a Friday evening. So I popped to Sainsburys and bought some Uncle Ben’s microwaveable rice and some strawberries because they were on offer and I LOVE THEM. £2. I inhaled some chilli for dinner and then chilled out with Tommo for the rest of the evening.

 

Total; £4.35

 

Saturday 9th September 2017.

Morning; We went for brunch with a pal because hallelujah it’s the weekend! Balham is a hot bed for brunching yuppies. I’m doing my best to assimilate in with the locals so plz don’t tell anyone I’m living hand to mouth, I got toasted banana bread with granola and yoghurt and it was LUSH. Obviously I’m still not pooing very often so I ordered an iced coffee and prayed to the god of brunch and bowels. I paid for me and Tommo. £19.90. There was a flower market, because of course there was, and I couldn’t help but buy two succulents. I told myself it is a good mental health decision and I couldn’t agree more with myself…

Afternoon; I spent the afternoon doing zero things, which is obviously why I had a mild breakdown later on in the afternoon. Thankfully breakdowns don’t cost money and my purse strings stayed tightly shut.

Evening; I’ve got plans in the evening, so I dried my eyes post breakdown and turned myself into the glamorous Londoner that I have become. I wear lipstick in London, it’s nbd but just to paint a pic for you, I am wearing a lipstick that is literally the exact colour my lips are naturally. We pick up a card for our pal and I grab some non alc beer – WE R READY 2 PARTAY.

 

Total; £30.40

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