SHIT I LIKE ON FACEBOOK

That fresh chick on the right is who was liking all of these pages….

Now that I’m doing a part time MA, I have SO MUCH time to indulge in internet deep dives. The other day I spent about 2 hours researching how much money women are making selling their underwear online, so I’m pretty content with how my life is going now that I’m in London. Aside from my new business interests, I’ve been distracted by looking at all the weird pages I like on FB from so long ago and trying to remember what I was thinking at the time. Most of them were clearly *subtle* hints at boys I fancied from school, or a way to show people just how hilarious I am.

Here is a comprehensive list of some of the things I liked back in the day, that I made a note of until I couldn’t be arsed any more. 2017 comments in italics. 

  1. Scratching Your B.U.M in Public 😉 Who the fuck was I trying to impress with this pile of shit page? Pun intended. 
  2. Dogs wearing shoes. This is legit tbh. I’m glad I was somewhat reasonable when I was 16 because I would still put this in my top 10 of things that I enjoy about being alive. 
  3. There is nothing sexier than good grammar. This kind of shit is why I used the morning after pill as legitimate contraception for so long… This page just screams, “I know nothing about sex, what is sexy or reasonable social skills.”
  4. Tom Pellereau – The Apprentice. Who? I was so ride and die for the people I wanted to win The Apprentice back in the day, like more ride and die than I am even for Tommo now. I don’t think I have access to such extreme adoration anymore. 
  5. Having Harry Potter bed spread because thats where the magic happens. I definitely liked this when I was about 15 and I definitely didn’t loose my virginity until I was 17 and drunk at a party. 
  6. Let’s eat Grandpa. Let’s eat, Grandpa. Punctuation can save someone’s life. Again with the grammar, Rosy can you even spell? Omg is this a way of exercising self hate because I actually do have really terrible spelling and grammar. 
  7. Judging people for their cordial to water ratio. Glad Mary spent all that money on Catholic education, I honestly don’t think I could be so judgemental of others without it. Tbh though, if you drink weak cordial you are dead to me.
  8. I could tell you, but I’d rather show you… through INTERPRETIVE DANCE. Yea, I’ve no problem with this one. 
  9. Going out for a quiet one and coming home on a fucking dinosaur. This is still so funny to me. What does it mean? I would sacrifice ever having a relationship with my estranged father if it meant I could know what this means. 
  10. Would you care bursting into tears because I forgive you. Again, willing to throw my hypothetical father/daughter relationship under the bus, but I need to know what the fuck this means. 
  11. Laughing until it hurts and you can’t breath. God yea, THIS IS JUST LOLOLOLOL isn’t it? 
  12. Laughing when someone falls. If I wasn’t Catholic I don’t know if I’d know how to be this cruel? 
  13. Everything is so much funnier when you’re not allowed to laugh. Maybe my stand up would be going better if I started telling audiences that they’re not allowed to laugh… 
  14. I haven’t lost it, I just can’t find it!! I was defiantly liking these pages when I used to say “banter” a lot and cover my lips in concealer.
  15. Facebook stalking… admit it, you do it. OK, you caught me… I’m such a rebel.
  16. Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out. I think I probably liked this when I heard someone was chatting shit about me and I wanted them to know THAT I HAD THE ABILITY TO FIND THINGS OUT, BITCH.
  17. If I could turn back the time… This was either liked after my high school boyfriend told me he’s gay OR after I farted loudly in science and everyone laughed.
  18. I love it when someone you miss randomly texts you 🙂 This was a hint to the 12 MSN boyfriends I had had and who I wanted to hear from. 
  19. That one song on your iPod that plays real loud & scares the crap out of you. I miss when I was scared by loud noises. I’ve been scared by too many missed periods to flinch at a loud noise now. 
  20. Talking to an old friend and realising how much your life has changed. Why would I like this? Also I’m 15, how many ‘old friends’ do I have? AND I went to school every day, my life literally didn’t change once for 18 years. 
  21. Everything’s just so much better in the summer. I fucking hate summer but maybe I liked it more when I was a size 6.
  22. That sad sinking feeling in your chest when you found out something :'( 
  23. Receiving a text off someone you like.  Liking this when a boy you fancy is online is the equivalent of telling someone who is eating chocolate that chocolate is your favourite food. 
  24. NO. My status is from a song, it’s not about you, get over yourself. 100% every status I put up that was lyrics from a song was obviously aimed at someone I either fancied or had fallen out with. 
  25. House parties. I can count on one hand the number of house parties I had been to when I liked this and I remember those ‘parties’… It was full of 14 year olds, sitting around awkwardly sipping vodka and pretending I liked it. I think I cried at every single one. 
  26. PRETENDING TO LOOK FOR YOUR HOMEWORK WHEN YOU KNOW YOU DIDN’T DO IT. Honestly, I always did my homework so who was I even kidding. 
  27. Bring back BNBN’s!! I have been a campaigner for so long guys. 
  28. Drunk texting. I was in denial then I liked this. 
  29. Being the coolest member of my family. When I liked this I was the only member of my family on FB so haahahahah I really showed them…
  30. Unexpected kisses. No kiss that has ever been good has been ‘unexpected.’ I think all of my kisses up until liking this had been unexpected.
  31. …. went from being “in a relationship” to “single”…. yesssss. I can think of about 36 people I might have been trying to get the attention of with this. 
  32. In primary school getting a pen was SUCH a big deal… It was tbf.
  33. “In a relationship with…. and cheating with…..while talking to……” I tell you what, if there is one thing I have always loved it’s infidelity, just good ol’ fashioned cheatin’… 
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