STOP SELLING ME AUTUMN SHIT OMG

 

This view was free and therefore I hate it.

Since moving to London, becoming a student again and nannying part time, I have zero interest in consumerism, capitalism and lime scaley water. (Must note that I spent a lot of money on making slime this week, however that is an anomaly and overall I am shunning consumerism).

I have little to no money these days, which is fine because I plan on selling my knickers on ebay so I don’t think I’ll be in this situation for too long, but it has made me want to shit in everyone’s pumpkin spiced lattes. I’m glad all this change hasn’t made me a reasonable person.

I love autumn so much, I think it might be might be my favourite season, after winter and spring. I just enjoy anything that promotes staying inside wrapped in jumpers, socks, candle wax and pumpkin slime. Side note, does anyone actually enjoy eating pumpkin because I cannot think of anything worse in this whole world? I looooove carving pumpkins and rubbing my hands in the slimy/pippy insides (I enjoy textures, please leave your judgment at the door) but I think eating one would be so bland that it would make me feel like a child having lunch in a Victorian workhouse.

Saying all of this, I currently have bigger issues than the taste of pumpkin. What I can’t fucking stand is the world trying to sell me shit that I know probably would make me very very happy but that I can’t afford. Why do you need to remind me how good I look in browny/red/orange trousers, Topshop? I already know it but good luck convincing my ISA to buy that I set it up to buy a bronze pashmina.

There is literally no way for me to do Autumn the way that I truly want when I have exactly £15.98 in my bank account – Monzo is not helping me budget. I understand that I could go to Poundland and pick up a few little autumn bits, but 30 Halloween decorations is still going to cost me £30, which is £14.02 more than I have if we don’t factor in the cost of food and travel for the weekend.

Is it reasonable for me to write into DIY SOS regarding the lack of autumnal decoration? I think my Monzo story would be a real tearjerker (can you believe that is one word?) and if worst comes to worst I can definitely bring up the fact that my own father abandoned me at birth. At the moment I see no other way forward. Why is Zoella’s house so autumny?! Maybe Zoelz could be a guest on my episode of DIY SOS – I dno guys, I’m just spit ballin’ here but I think this could be T.V. gold.

Feel free to start a petition and remember to mention my absent father. I would start the petition myself but it would make me look more humble if one of you guys did it.

 

Thanks, I appreciate it.

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